As a busy entrepreneur, you know how hard it is to keep tabs on your kids – and how hard it is to instill in them the idea that they need to do the right thing, even when nobody is watching.

You’re in a Zoom meeting, and the little bastards get into the Nutella and spread it all over your clean, white couch.

You’re taking a client call, they get into the cleaners and take a few gulps.

Trying to get a spreadsheet done, they’re in the other room stringing up the cat.

In the middle of a logo design, they find your “special flashlight?”

We’ve all been there.

What if there were a better way?

So You Don’t Have To…

Did You Do Your Homework?

How Do They Work?

First, you talk to your child and let them know you’ve hired a special little helper. Tell them that the baby communicates with you and will let you know any time there’s a faux pas. And… of course… that the faux pas will be dealt with in the harshest of ways.

Next, you place your Confusion Baby in the problem area.

The baby watches. The baby reports.

The child stays confused and worried. They are now the most teachable state.

By instilling a little doubt and fear – and just a tiny bit of confusion – you keep them thinking that you’re watching, by baby proxy, ALL THE TIME. This is how you scale your business – by making sure your kids are IN LINE.

Did You Do the Dishes?
They're ALWAYS watching!
Did You Brush Your Teeth?
Did You Eat Your Vegetables?

The Confusion Babies™ now have direct control over their territories. Fear will keep all the kids in line. Fear of these tiny plastic creeps.

G.M. Tarkin
C.T.O. of Uncle Jimbo™ Enterprises GmbH

Grand Moff Tarkin

The Confusion Babies Menu

Confusion Babies™ Brown


The classic. Strong. Funky.
Stoic. Mysterious. Freaky.

Confusion Babies™ White


Just a straight up creep.
This little dude is shifty!

Confusion Babies™ Ecru


Máxima Responsabilidad en
Un Pequeño Paquete.

Confusion Babies™ The Alien

The Alien

Terror from outer space!

What People Say About Confusion Babies


“I used to keep my mummy from getting her client work done quickly enough that she could still get in a couple of glasses of wine before daddy got home. With Confusion Babies, I’m afraid to say peep. That little dude really freaks me out.”

Jenny P.
Daughter of a Remote V.A.


“I will never, ever, ever, ever make noise while daddy is recording a podcast again. Those little babies keep looking at me, and I am really scared that they’re going to tell on me for moving. I’ve been stuck in my room for a week. I hate those babies.”

Noah M.
Son of an Online Marketer


“I brush my teeth and scrub the toilet every night just to make sure the Confusion Baby gives me a good report. My room is cleaner than it has ever been, and I even clean up after lunch so that mommy has more time to record TikTok videos. That baby makes me worry that I’m not doing enough.”

Ethan H.
Son of a B0ss Babe.


“Since that Confusion Baby showed up, I’m having trouble sleeping – but I’m also afraid to say anything or make any noise at all. Mommy loves it because I’ve been giving her more space to create content and cross-post it on all her socials. It’s great for mommy’s business, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”

Olivia M.
Daughter of a Life Coach.

Only THREE BUCKS! Get Yours NOW!!!

Get YOUR Confusion Babies Today!

Confusion Babies™ is the best $3 investment in your business you’ll ever make. Order more than one to keep them in various rooms for EXTRA power!

Confusion Babies™ don’t actually come on a blister card. They’ll arrive in an envelope that will also include a certificate of adoption (including the baby’s name and a place for you to add your information) that is prepared by an ordained minister. If there is enough interest, I’ll actually do a run of packaging – but I’m gonna need to sell an awful lot of $3 babies to get to that point…